Cat Lover or not this is hysterical!
 

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior
as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink.
And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the
toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not
many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

:Reverend:

*Edit* - Sorry I should have added that I got this in an email, I have no idea who it happened to. I can't say I feel his pain (due to circumstances beyond my control ie, being born a female), but I did watch the tears well up in the corner of The Maddestmans eyes as he read it. :nutsycuck

coz they cant relate....and why do they think its funny to hit someone in the balls for no apparant reason....it is simply just wrong
:bath:
next time you'll know to wear a towel....

i feel for you mate so would every man....

hope eveything is still in its correct place and working properly....

HAhahahahha That was a great read mate!

Very bad bad bad luck though! I feel for ya... Jeez i can only imagine the pain from both regions...

Thats like something off american pie! hahahah

on another note im surprised the cat is still alive....

They could make that in to a "Free Willy" movie...

that is the funniest thing I have heard in a long long time....priceless!!

:yelrotflm

:spit: HAHAHA. Oh I wish I could have seen that. :lol: :yelrotflm :hihi: :evil_laug

I agree, I want to know what happened to that kitten after that. My guess would be that it never got another chance to play the same trick... :jab: :shootout: :owned:

that's tops. :lol:

My face and stomach hurt from laughing :)

Cat got your tongue... :hihi:

i was waiting for something to go into the insinkerater..

that was a classic.

I have not laughed like that in sooooo long !
Doesnt matte how painfull it must have been ! , i feel for the guy, but that was funny !!!!!!!!!

Ah, cats... See attached.

Wonder if he changed his name to Claude Bawls :owned:

Awww thats awful.

hmmmm.....Funny....As long as it didn't happen to me i suppose!

I laughed so hard at that picture that I nearly threw up. The tears were rolling down my face.

That idea is sooo getting used. :evil_laug

OMG thats so funny lol hope not all pussy's are like this.
Cheers John

I'm guessing it was slipped into the garbage disposal unit the next day :evilnaugh

Yes, slipped... that was it... An accident...

What? Why are you looking at me like that? We don't even have a cat...

Sooner or later, all pussy tends to grab you by the balls and never lets go.