24 hours

jphanna · 15-09-2010, 09:57 PM

6 months ago, my son got his learners.

last weekend was my last weekend to drive with him, as an L PLATE driver. in that last drive, i explained to him, (as we drove all through the adelaide hills, in the marshmello soft, EA falcon which has been in our family since new), that driving in the real world is NOT like his XBOX or playstation. there is no RESET button for when things go wrong.

i explained that when he gets his P Plates, that his friends will push him to drive fast, or do stupid stunts. i also explained that when things go wrong...they will not be the ones paying for speeding fines or damage. he got his P PLates on monday.

yesterday evening, i got a call from him (he doesnt live with me) to explain that he let one of his friends drive the car....and they ploughed into a pole and smashed the headlight and the bumperbar was hanging off....

does anyone else have a story like this to tell? did i do something wrong?

Mr Hardware · 15-09-2010, 10:07 PM

i put my parents camry up a gutter 4 days after i got my licence, at night in the rain

i'd never driven at night before, i'd never driven in the wet before. I worked out i'd probably done about 14hrs learner driving before I got my p's.

I heard one parent say that they like their kids to get their first stupidity crash out the way early, because the later it comes usually the bigger it is.

Iggypoppin' · 15-09-2010, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jphanna

6 months ago, my son got his learners.

last weekend was my last weekend to drive with him, as an L PLATE driver. in that last drive, i explained to him, (as we drove all through the adelaide hills, in the marshmello soft, EA falcon which has been in our family since new), that driving in the real world is NOT like his XBOX or playstation. there is no RESET button for when things go wrong.

i explained that when he gets his P Plates, that his friends will push him to drive fast, or do stupid stunts. i also explained that when things go wrong...they will not be the ones paying for speeding fines or damage. he got his P PLates on monday.

yesterday evening, i got a call from him (he doesnt live with me) to explain that he let one of his friends drive the car....and they ploughed into a pole and smashed the headlight and the bumperbar was hanging off....

does anyone else have a story like this to tell? did i do something wrong?

Mate...you can say it and say it and say it, but regardless it is probably going to happen anyway..my old man drilled it into me and I still have had crashes. It's a sad thing but so long as he learns from it, then this isn't a waste. He hopefully won't make the same mistake again.
Best of luck to you and your son. Remember that we where all young once and no one likes being yelled at or made to feel at blame. A simple "oh well son, a stuff up's a stuff up" and a good life lesson is all that should be needed.
Good luck

holland_ford · 15-09-2010, 10:13 PM

if he was like me i never let anyone except for family members drive our vehicle just common sense

Cam · 15-09-2010, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggypoppin'

Remember that we where all young once and no one likes being yelled at or made to feel at blame. A simple "oh well son, a stuff up's a stuff up" and a good life lesson is all that should be needed.
Good luck

Agree 100%

To the OP: You didn't go wrong, he's a teenager..

adelaidecrows02 · 15-09-2010, 10:19 PM

Am not sure how you could have done something wrong here - you have said and done all the correct things. At the end of the day, at least it was him on the other end of the phone, and not a blue light flashing in the street, and a knock on the door.

Ultimately he wasnt driving the car anyway.

Coyote mk3 · 15-09-2010, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Hardware

I heard one parent say that they like their kids to get their first stupidity crash out the way early, because the later it comes usually the bigger it is.

I hope that proves false for me.
Have not done anything so far except very very lightly touched a sign behind me when reversing back into QLD Transport to go for my P's
The sign was not visable as it had been bent back by someone else previously lol.
Left a small bit of paint from the sign that I rubbed off with my finger.

Going on about 8 Months now.

Also, I have never and never intend, to let my friends drive my car.
I think because I have bought it myself and spent many hours on it it makes me have a bit more respect for it.
I bark at people who leave finger prints on it

This is not saying that that people should not buy their children newer, safer cars, but unless they have put in some hard yards I do not think the respect will be there.
Just my opinion.

shewi6 · 15-09-2010, 10:27 PM

the first day i had my 2003 fairmont it crashed. It hit a dog at 60 and pushed in the whole left side of the bumper but luckily didnt smash the headlight. And the funny thing was my dad did it before i even got the chance to drive it.lol

LOWBA6 · 15-09-2010, 10:51 PM

The saying boys will be boys comes to mind... Luckily it was very minor and no one got hurt. Im sure he's learnt his lesson and will hopefully be more responsible himself when he's the one driving.

I was driving a mates bush basher/rally car one day and put it through a fence! The car was a heap so it didnt matter but i did have to pay to fix the fence. I certainly learnt my lesson and dont let my friends do stupid stuff in my car, i let them drive it when im in no condition to but they all know if they bend it they mend it!

FPV+fteT3 · 15-09-2010, 11:16 PM

Back in my day when my mates and I had dirt bikes, cars etc the when you rode someone else's bike the rule was you broke it you fix it almost went without saying, some if not all responsibility should rest with the nut behind the wheel to repair the damage.
These days no one takes any responsibility for what happens its always someone else's fault.
The best lesson you can give the young bloke now is say "Damn thats bad luck you sort it out mate" he wont be so keen to loan the car to mates or bend the car again after its fixed. If you repair the car for him nothing is learned and this experience will soon be forgotten if it cost him or his mate some coin the lesson will hopefully be learnt.
This is what I did with my daughter when faced with the same situation she has been driving more than a year now and only had one small accident about a week after getting her P's didn't like paying for the car to be fixed so has not bent it since bit of a reality check.
Its not easy at that age, good luck with it.

**Polyal** · 15-09-2010, 11:26 PM

Yeap his just lucky nothing happened, most of the accidents people have start the same way but end badly.

I had enough sense not to stuff around (or just been lucky?), but my brother on the other hand happened to take mums VS, drive it 30kms and then put it into a tree with a couple of his mates in the car. All walked away, VS was pretty much written off....and he was on his L's! So no amount of licensing would change what happened. His 26 now and only just starting to grow up; it just takes longer for some.

I dont know how I will go about setting my son right with the same thing, just try and get as much experience as I can into him I guess...Ive still got 14 years under my belt thankgod.

zdcol71 · 15-09-2010, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jphanna

6 months ago, my son got his learners.

last weekend was my last weekend to drive with him, as an L PLATE driver. in that last drive, i explained to him, (as we drove all through the adelaide hills, in the marshmello soft, EA falcon which has been in our family since new), that driving in the real world is NOT like his XBOX or playstation. there is no RESET button for when things go wrong.

i explained that when he gets his P Plates, that his friends will push him to drive fast, or do stupid stunts. i also explained that when things go wrong...they will not be the ones paying for speeding fines or damage. he got his P PLates on monday.

yesterday evening, i got a call from him (he doesnt live with me) to explain that he let one of his friends drive the car....and they ploughed into a pole and smashed the headlight and the bumperbar was hanging off....

does anyone else have a story like this to tell? did i do something wrong?

Mate, you have done nothing wrong....unfortunately your son has abused the good faith you have put in his responsibility.You have explained things to him in language that he should be able to understand and just 2 days after gaining his (privelige to drive) licence, he has seen fit to let someone else, for whatever reason, drive the car that he hasn't even been responsible for putting on the road. (I may be completely wrong, but I can think of only one reason he has let somoeone else drive YOUR car after having a licence for just 2 days)!!
I would be taking the car back and telling him he has just blown his first chance of staying alive on the road and he won't get too many more!
Anyone who wants to accuse me of being too earnest go right ahead,I've got kids(still) in the process of getting their licences and this is exactly the sort of thing that I dread.
Ps Iggypoppin... mate, I'm sorry but I don't think your advice very sage ("we were all young once") , I seem to recall reading about your 21st here not so very long ago,... "we" were young once... you still are.

kocho · 16-09-2010, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Hardware

i put my parents camry up a gutter 4 days after i got my licence, at night in the rain

i'd never driven at night before, i'd never driven in the wet before. I worked out i'd probably done about 14hrs learner driving before I got my p's.

I heard one parent say that they like their kids to get their first stupidity crash out the way early, because the later it comes usually the bigger it is.

Interesting. I did 120 hours before getting my P's and now I'm on my full license, nearly 22 and haven't had an accident.

Depends how much you respect the rules and know how to drive. I'm not saying I'm the best driver to land on this planet, but if you use a bit of common sense and drive sensibly and stay alert you'll be much better off.

But then, according to that parent, I'm dead as a doorknob sooner or later.

Gaz · 16-09-2010, 01:24 AM

Didn't do anything wrong mate - you can only do so much, but kids will be kids. I bet it took him a good hour to decide to make that phone call...

Dad was a cop, that was pretty good motivation not the **** up for me - still did some stupid things but never anything really dumb.

jphanna · 16-09-2010, 07:49 AM

if it wasnt for the fact that i have ...and continue to make mistakes in my life, even at 44 years old, then i got no right to have a go at him.

he is unhurt...
he will be chasing his 'friend' to get it fixed
he theoretically, wont be loaning out his stuff anymore...

like a few of you, if my dad knew what i did in my 'unsupervised' early driving days.....

that is why i bit my tongue, and just told him...'we all make mistakes'

**buggerlugs** · 16-09-2010, 08:10 AM

Things happen for a reason, He'll learn from it............

platinumXR · 16-09-2010, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cam

Agree 100%

To the OP: You didn't go wrong, he's a teenager..

+1

Valuable lesson learned = Rule No#1: Never lend your car or your girlfriend, because they will both come back f.....

Sizey · 16-09-2010, 08:32 AM

1. Your son was not driving the car.

2. You said what you needed to say and that was all that you can say therefore you did nothing wrong.

3. Lay off teenagers, we cop enough $&*% as it is already.

4.

landau460 · 16-09-2010, 08:43 AM

As far as im concerned you did the best you could your son made an error in judgment. The mate must feel like a real a!@#$%^ if there was anything good about him he would feel bad.
Did he come and see you to say sorry(ther mate that is)
At least they didnt get severly injured.
Is the car bad/drivable?

I got my kid learning to drive still a few years but will come quicker than i would like!

DBourne · 16-09-2010, 08:57 AM

Didn't do anything wrong at all mate.

Everyone has to learn for themselves, you can be told over and over again but unless you need to experience it yourself to learn.

I also daresay, because it is not "his" car he was happy to let someone else drive it.

But hey, it's a lesson learned

Mr Brooksy · 16-09-2010, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FPV+fteT3

Back in my day when my mates and I had dirt bikes, cars etc the when you rode someone else's bike the rule was you broke it you fix it almost went without saying, some if not all responsibility should rest with the nut behind the wheel to repair the damage.
These days no one takes any responsibility for what happens its always someone else's fault.
The best lesson you can give the young bloke now is say "Damn thats bad luck you sort it out mate" he wont be so keen to loan the car to mates or bend the car again after its fixed. If you repair the car for him nothing is learned and this experience will soon be forgotten if it cost him or his mate some coin the lesson will hopefully be learnt.
This is what I did with my daughter when faced with the same situation she has been driving more than a year now and only had one small accident about a week after getting her P's didn't like paying for the car to be fixed so has not bent it since bit of a reality check.
Its not easy at that age, good luck with it.

Completely agree! In my years of youth work the one thing that comes out 100% of the time is that when they make a mistake, what they want is someone who will help and support them (not necessarily) what they did). Doesn't mean you fix it, or you slide it under the rug, but be there to say "stupid thing to do, but mate I've been there and yeah it sucks, but we live and learn..."

Besides these young guys are in what's known as the "exploring stage" where they are testing to see if what everyone said will happen (in a certain situation) will or not (which comes directly after the hardest stage of all 'questioning'!!) . It's a healthy thing when us older ones get alongside and support them as a person while helping them work out that 'we know more than kids realise'.

You can't do more than that, at the end of the day they are going to make their own choices, the question is... 'who will they turn to for help when the brown smelly stuff hits the fan?'

ZA-289 · 16-09-2010, 11:35 AM

"my friend was driving"

ROLF! You believed him!

aussie muscle · 16-09-2010, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coyote mk3

I think because I have bought it myself and spent many hours on it it makes me have a bit more respect for it.
I bark at people who leave finger prints on it

.

That's good to hear. i hate kids that are given a brand new car rather than having to work for it. then proceed to trash it

andrewts · 16-09-2010, 02:17 PM

It took me a few weeks after getting my P's to spin out at a roundabout and go up a kerb but once you've done it (got it out of the system) it changes the way you look at driving. If your son's friend really was driving I would hit him up for repair costs, but as a couple others have said (and without wanting to call your son a liar) there is a possibility he was actually driving the car and didn't want to disappoint you, so he said his friend did it.

jphanna · 16-09-2010, 02:31 PM

given the 2 options.

1. My son did it
2. his friend did it

i would view the friend did it MUCH worse. i dont blame him, if he thinks blaming his friend will ease the diapointment....but i havnt told him that its WORSE.

he was braggin about taking this previously MINT condition (body wise) EA to school, as his peers had daihatsu cherades and the like... now he can eat humble pie with a crunched front end.....after 1 day of 'glory'...

this is a valuable life lesson. it will do him the world of good. i wont be paying 1 cent to fix it.

Mad_Aussie · 16-09-2010, 02:35 PM

I crashed the tractor into a water tank, and proceeded to drive it through a fence and into the dam.

Ten years later I got my L's.

MotherNatureVer2 · 16-09-2010, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mad_Aussie

I crashed the tractor into a water tank, and proceeded to drive it through a fence and into the dam.

Ten years later I got my L's.

Hahahahahha reminds me of my now 20yr old....... 2yrs of age drove my fathers mint xc ute through the back of the shed ..... he apparently was standing on the seat as the car was warming and playing with the steering wheel .... broom broom kind of thing.

He then wondered what that stick on the side did ..... he found out

kinksta · 16-09-2010, 04:07 PM

LOL to the madaussie and mothernature!!!!!!!

JimNiki · 16-09-2010, 06:36 PM

my nephew got given a nice car once he got his license...
he rolled it with a car full of people. Miraculously no-one was injured.
cops found no alcohol or drugs on anyone.

Dad just bought him another and then another ...
Nephew is 30 and still living at home ...mum does all his cleaning, cooking, etc.
Dad has bought 6 cars for him so far...

It goes back to what the other poster said about forcing them to pay for their mistakes and they might learn... not this one...