Noah's Ark in Today's Society

MYVYSS · 13-12-2005, 03:42 PM

The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.

Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.

Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.

However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!

The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.

I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth, Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"

LTDHO · 13-12-2005, 03:50 PM

Funny and true!

FordFan86 · 13-12-2005, 03:51 PM

It's funny cauz it's true.

Quote:

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
~Muhammad Ali

masters24 · 13-12-2005, 04:10 PM

Too bloody true...
Put it this way, I have a docs csertificate which says i have tomorrow aff aswell, but my boss said that I can't work tomorrow (even though I am better) because it could be against the law and insurance would'nt cover me... is this correct??? Bloody Bu!!shi!t I rekon!!!

MYVYSS · 13-12-2005, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by masters24

Too bloody true...
Put it this way, I have a docs csertificate which says i have tomorrow aff aswell, but my boss said that I can't work tomorrow (even though I am better) because it could be against the law and insurance would'nt cover me... is this correct??? Bloody Bu!!shi!t I rekon!!!

Actually that is correct, you would be able to sue if anything happened and you were not supposed to be at work.

masters24 · 13-12-2005, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

Actually that is correct, you would be able to sue if anything happened and you were not supposed to be at work.

Really? I jsut thought the doc was allowing you not to go, not stopping you from going!!! Geez... rightio, another day on AFF for me then... thanks for that